Sunday, September 27, 2009

A story.

A vacationer strolling along a starfish-strewn beach spies a person in the distance whom he believes is dancing. He is so intrigued he investigates further.

As he approaches the dancer, he realizes it is a young man and he is not really dancing, but is, in fact, picking up individual starfish, tens of thousands of which have been stranded by low tide, and throwing them, one by one, into the ocean.

The vacationer asks the man why he is undertaking such a monumental task and the man replies that the stranded starfish will die if he doesn't get them to water. The vacationer then scoffs and informs the man that there are miles and miles of beach and tens of thousands of starfish and he can't possibly believe that what he is doing will make a difference.

The young man pauses and gives thought to the vacationer's comments. Then he picks up a starfish from the beach, throws it back into the ocean, and tells the vacationer, "It made a difference to that one."

Monday, September 21, 2009

The funny thing about adopting, rather than being pregnant

When you're pregnant, you know when everything's going to happen. Right away you have an idea about when your baby's birthday will be - and when he or she will join your family. At 18-20 weeks you can find out if you're having a boy or girl (if you choose to find out). You know how long you have to buy a crib and toys and get a nursery ready. And you have a general idea of how big your baby could be when it comes - and at the very least you know how old it will be.

When you're adopting, you don't get that. You don't really know when everything's going to happen, or what your baby will be like when it joins your family. It's most likely that the process will take a long time - years even. But it's also possible that it could happen much sooner than expected.

So how do you prepare? So far we'd decided that it would be better not to have lots of baby stuff around the house, reminding us that we don't have one. But then we thought about it a little more, and whenever it happens, it'll happen, and very quickly. When we get our proposal we'll have just 3-6 weeks to get to South Africa to pick up our child, and that's not much time to make travel arrangements and set up a nursery and get everything a baby needs. So? We shopped!

We're now the proud owners of a travel system, pack'n'play, and swing. We're keeping them in their boxes and storing them until the time comes, but we agreed that since the exact stuff we've been looking at was ridiculously on sale, it only made sense to buy it and store it, than to wait a few months and pay full price.

I have to tell you - it's pretty exciting to see these boxes of baby things in our living room. I managed to fight off the urge to get a sleeper with ears. And the little socks with little rattle duckies on them. Yeah. My baby's going to have such awesome crap. :D

Friday, September 18, 2009


I really should have posted this on Wednesday, but I've been swamped with work and knocked out with a bad cold. Anyway, here's what's happening since our meeting with our agency!

1: Apparently due to our age and our IF status, we are exactly the type of parents that South Africa is hoping to adopt to - young people with good jobs who aren't likely to have their own children.

2: Apparently for the same reasons we're also ideal for domestic adoption. Which is free. But could take considerably longer. We've now made some phone calls and they can't even give an estimated time, so we agreed that we'd rather invest some money in our future and have a baby soon than wait 8 years and lose all that time that could have been spent with a family.

3: We should expect 4-6 months for the province to process our application. Then we should expect 12 months to get a match. This is being realistic. However, it's just as realistic that we could be matched with a baby in as little as three months after South Africa receives our application - or even sooner if the right match comes up. We would be expected in court 4-6 weeks later to finalize the legal stuff. Oh yeah, court's in South Africa. So we'd be on the phone booking a flight the same day and in the country in as little as three weeks later.We would be expected to be in South Africa for 3-4 weeks. We'd be free to travel around our court and lawyer schedule, but we would get our baby the very first day we arrive.

4. A big one: they have never matched an HIV positive child so we absolutely will not get an HIV positive child. We'll get a perfect, gorgeous, healthy little baby.

I'm sure there's tons more, but I can't think of it all right now. All I know is that on the long end, we could have our baby in 18-ish months. On the short end, we could have our baby in as little as 10 months.


A little more:

We've hired our social worker (she's WONDERFUL) and we're working away on a mountain of forms. We're both beyond excited that we're on track to building our family. Now that we're working through the process, we'll be telling our parents within the next week or two. I can't believe how real this is starting to feel. :D

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Well it only seems right.

We've decided to go ahead and make this happen, so it makes sense to put this next step in our lives down in words.

Last week, after many long conversations and shared hopes and ideas, we made the decision to adopt a baby to bring into our family, and it's amazing how perfect and right this feels. I can't stop smiling, and I'm so excited that we've decided to go this direction to find our family.

A little introduction. We're a young couple, mid-late 20's, married one year but together for six, and we've been best friends for all that time and longer. We've travelled the world together and opened each other's eyes to new possibilities that we'd never have found on our own. We've grown together, and can't wait to embark on this adventure together.

The process will be a long one. We've decided to adopt from South Africa, for reasons which I'll explain more as this blog develops. It will take awhile to gain approval from our provincial government in Ontario, then to be accepted by the government of South Africa, but we have faith that soon our baby will be conceived and born, and soon he or she will come home to us.

Over these years I'll share the processes to become an adoptive parent, but I'll also use this space to keep track of how it feels to go through it all, right from the beginning.

So if anyone is out there reading, I hope you'll enjoy what I have to say. If not, this is a great record for us while we find our family.